I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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