how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
