my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When did angry sex become our thing?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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