me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
