I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
