He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
