I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this beer tastes like vomit already
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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