You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
