i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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