Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
