I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
