Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize