Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
