my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
