There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize