Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
