a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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