She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
