from now on my penis is your penis
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
