What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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