So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
