You made me cry and you don't even care
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
