umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
bring money and cleavage
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize