I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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