I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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