broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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