At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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