If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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