so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
