i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize