I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize