Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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