That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
