oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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