Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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