well I can't set my house on fire every night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
