This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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