It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
