god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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