don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
