Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
