I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
