for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
