never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
