I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You are a genius and a whore.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
