Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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