Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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