I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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