I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
