I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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