I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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