What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
