Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
