Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
