soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
