can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
