I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize