they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
