ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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