love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize