dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
