even my farts smell like vagina
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
