Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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