you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
