He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
