Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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