you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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