Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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