I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
